What Does the Bible Teach Us About Infertility?

I followed a link from spunkyhomeschool’s entry entitled “Lord Please Meet Me in the Laundry Room” into a blog I had never read before. Being relatively new to this mode of communication, I am just meeting blogging’s superstars. So, I admit I had never heard of Barbara Curtis. I started reading and yes, enjoying her blog. Her blog was witty, encouraging and challenging. My full intellect had to be engaged as I evaluated the ideas she presented against a Biblical worldview. But what caught the eye of this woman who has embraced her infertility and inspired this blog entry was an entry in which Barbara apologized to infertile women. It seems that Barbara had honestly shared the very personal and open story about her journey into motherhood and her pro-life stance.

I didn’t see anything offensive in the post, but when I started reading the comments I immediately saw how the feathers of infertile women might have been ruffled. One of Barbara’s commenter’s had met with and counseled a woman whose husband was considering a vasectomy on the importance to allowing God to have control of her fertility. She told this woman that “Children are a blessing and if you happened to be super fertile, God must trust you with children.” These kinds of insensitive and unintentionally malicious remarks feel like hot coals on the heart of a woman desperately trying to conceive. I have felt their sting. I wondered at the wisdom of counseling a woman on this topic in the absence of her husband.

Holly at choosing home wrote a compassionate reply. So why am I adding my two cents? Because, as an infertile woman, I believe I have insight that neither of these very fertile women have. Or perhaps, having walked the same road as you have, I can speak the truth in love in a way that might appear harsh or insensitive if it came from a fertile woman.

First, human value is not bestowed by one’s ability to reproduce. Human beings get their worth from the fact that we are created in God’s image and loved enough that Jesus died for us on the cross. Did you realize that three of the matriarchs of the Jewish people struggled with infertility? Certainly, God trusted these women. They were all blessed to be ancestors of our Savior!

When I was struggling with infertility, I did a Bible study on infertile women in the Bible. What can we learn from each of these women?

Sarah -”The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.” Genesis 16:2

Decisions concerning how we are going to build our family are not ethically neutral and should not be based on what is acceptable in our culture. Prayerfully consider God’s will and make decisions that are in line with a Biblical worldview.

As Christians, we cannot take a stand against abortion and then embrace techniques used in reproductive technology that result in multitudes of fertilized eggs that are frozen and never used. From the point of fertilization, the embryo is a person known by God and possessing the very image of the Creator. Nor, in my opinion, is it appropriate to utilize embryo or fetal reduction to decrease the risk associated with a multiple pregnancy.

Adoption carries inherent ethical risks too. I have heard someone say that we shouldn’t use God as a road to get to heaven. When we do, our goal is heaven and not God. In the same way, we should not use another human being to make us happy or fulfilled. We cannot use children as roads to meet our own, selfish needs. Carefully examine your heart. Is your goal raising a happy, well-adjusted adult? Can you meet this child’s needs in your family? When I was adopting I had to carefully examine my gifts, prejudices, financial assets and even my extended family’s attitudes towards adoption and race. Adopting a child means opening your life to their birth family, their culture and the adoption community. It means that your family is different from your surrounding community and your families of origin. Some adoption agencies use illegal and unethical practices to obtain children. It is your responsibility to carefully check out any agency you use. Prayerfully consider your decision.

Rebekah – “Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant” Genesis 25:21

Be committed to fervent prayer concerning issues with infertility. It is God, not human technology that opens the womb. As in all of life, in matters of fertility, the wife must submit to the husband’s authority and spiritual leadership.

Rachel – “When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?” Genesis 30:1-2

Infertility will cause your countenance to fall! Genesis 6:7 teaches us that we are at risk of sinning when we are angry and hurt by the circumstance in our life. God told Cain, “Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” Well, in the very next verse, Cain kills his brother.

How can we make sure we don’t follow Cain? Stay closely connected to your power source! “Lord, open my womb,” takes less than 2 seconds. The rest of your prayer should be focused on asking God to adjust your heart so that you can choose well. While struggling with infertility, pride and jealousy are especially bothersome sins. I am not more worthy of conceiving than a teenager, welfare mom, or a mom that already has a lot of children. In God’s economy, our worth is identical.

Don’t complain to others (not even your husband) about your lost dreams and sorrows. I am not talking about being dishonest with others. But there is a huge difference between stating, “We are praying for a baby,” and complaining. Complaining is grumbling and insinuating that God has not been fair. It makes others uncomfortable and, more importantly, misrepresents God. God is sufficient to carry your burdens; leave them at the cross.

Finally, learn to be content with the blessings God has given you already. A child, just like weight loss, a bigger car or more money, is not what is going to make your life perfectly happy. Even after God blessed her with a child, Rachel remained discontent. She named her child Joseph: a name that means to add again. Rachel immediately began looking for her next blessing instead of cherishing the one in her arms.

Hannah – Hannah’s story starts a lot like Rachel’s. Hannah is openly grieving for a child and her husband is at a loss as to how to comfort her. Like Isaac, she approached God in prayer. Still, there are new truths we can glean from her story.

“And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.” 1 Samuel 1:11

Be open to spiritual revelation or a word from God regarding His plans for your life. God had a plan for Hannah’s child. God’s plans for Samuel’s future meant that Hannah would only be able to keep the child until he was weaned or until he was about three-years old. Hannah had to align her plans for her child with God’s plans.

Samuel’s name means God heard. She immediately embraced Samuel as God’s answer to her prayers.

In my case, God revealed His plans for me and answered my prayers through the miracle of adoption. The children God has brought into my life through adoption are my personal mission field. Read my friend Kari’s blog. She is way more eloquent than I am!

Manoah’s wife – “Now see to it that you drink no wine or other fermented drink and that you do not eat anything unclean.” Judges 13:7

Take care of yourself while you are attempting to conceive. In particular, do not drink any alcoholic beverages. Alcohol easily crosses the placenta and enters the baby’s blood stream. The baby’s blood alcohol content quickly matches and in some cases surpasses the mom’s. Alcohol, even in the first weeks of pregnancy (when many women do not know they are pregnant) causes permanent defects. If you are interested, click on the tabbed page entitled FASD.

Michal – “And Michal daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death.” 2 Samuel 6:23

The hardest lesson to learn is that God will sometimes say no. There was no miraculous birth after Michal’s struggle with fertility.

Shunammite woman – “And a well-to-do woman was there, who urged him to stay for a meal.” 2 Kings 4:8

Focus on what God has given you and how you can be a good steward of your time, talents and treasures to be a blessing to others.

Finally, Elisabeth – Mother of John the Baptist. ~ God has a perfect timing!