What Is a Help Meet?

I have a confession. I spent most of my day yesterday catching up on my blog reading, commenting… With my mom’s visit last week, I spent very little time on my computer. Yesterday, I got my computer fix. (I am not finished yet so any of my friend’s who have not heard from me, please be patient. Catching up after being essentially absent for a week is nearly impossible).

One of the things I read was an entry on Mommy Life about a controversy involving Doug Phillips of Visions Forum. By following links starting from Mommy Life’s, The Doug Phillips controversy, I found myself the reading Vision Forum’s site. My wedding vows stated, “As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I accept your leadership in my life. I will strive always to be your helpmate ~ to meet your needs spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically. I promise to be trustworthy as your wife, to serve and love you in all circumstances, to allow God to use you to build His qualities in me, as long as God gives us life on this earth.” Given my assumption about marriage and submission, I was surprised at how uncomfortable I was with the model of patriarchy described in The Tenets of Biblical Patriarchy

In the section entitled, “The Image of God and Gender Roles,” the author of this document makes the following statement.

“God ordained distinct gender roles for man and woman as part of the created order. Adam’s headship over Eve was established at the beginning, before sin entered the world.” [Emphasis mine]

The proof text for this statement is given as Genesis 2:18, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” This same “proof text” is used to defend Vision Forum’s view of women in the workplace. This verse simply does not establish Adam’s headship over Eve, nor can it be used to make the blanket statement that “it is not the ordinary and fitting role of women to work alongside men as their functional equals in public spheres of dominion.”

Allow me to take you on an intellectual journey. The Hebrew word that is translated “helper” is `ezer (Strong’s # 5828). This word simply means to help or support and does not in any way establish a hierarchy. It is sin’s distortion that meant that men would rule over women (Genesis 3:16). I think it is important to note that the word curse is not used to describe the male rule described in this verse. In this section of Scripture, often referred to as the Adamic Covenant, the word “cursed” is only used in relationship to the serpent and the earth. Man and woman is cursed in that they “surely died,” but there weren’t any other curses outlined for humanity. Men were separated from their Creator, spiritual death. An animal died for the purpose of covering man’s sin. This is the first recorded death in the Bible. Men’s physical bodies deteriorated and died. But saying that God added to the curse of death, adding additional curses to man and woman is adding to scripture.

The Bible really only articulates two purposes for marriage. The first is procreation and child rearing. The second is to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the church. If we extend the idea presented in Genesis 3:16 to the entire church, the bride of Christ, we are reminded that the relationship between God and man was severed. Read verse 8, “And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day.” Sin abruptly changed this. No longer would God walk in Adam and Eve’s presence. Sin, our bent toward pride, self-centered ambition, and our desire to fulfill every want of our flesh, caused all of mankind to struggle with the issue of submitting to the God-given authority in his or her life. We even struggle with submitting to the Creator who perfectly loves us and works all things together for our good.

The picture of marriage given in the New Testament is one in which a man submits to the the authority of Christ and lays down his selfish desires to serve his family. The woman also submits to the authority of Christ and her husband’s leadership and lays down her selfish desires and serves her family. Both the husband and wife sacrificially give of themselves to the family: putting the needs of their family above their personal desires and creating an environment of transformational love for their children. Our talents and strengths compliment each other. I know that God blessed me with my husband. He is clear on the difference between a leader and a boss.

To further support my argument, read other passages that use this same word.

• “Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.” (Psalm 33:20)
• “But I am afflicted and needy; Hasten to me, O God! Thou art my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay.” (Psalm 70:5)
• “O Israel, trust in the Lord; He is their help and their shield.” (Psalm 115:9)
• “How blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, Whose hope is in the Lord his God;” (Psalm 146:5)

The truth? The word `ezer is used 21 times in the Old Testament and, generally, it is used in speaking of God in His relationship with Israel. The verses quoted above are just a few of the verses describing God as Israel’s help. God is hardly passive in His relationship to Israel or to the church today. Do you know how much of the Bible you would have to rewrite in order to make it appear that God, as Israel’s helper, somehow came under Isreal’s headship?

What an exciting change of mind. I was created to be my husband’s ally and friend, a role I can easily embrace. In my flesh, I struggle with actually carrying out this command. My inner voice tells me about how unfair it is. I imperfectly implement my role. What is abundantly clear, and proven over and over, is that I am most content and my house is most peaceful when I follow the biblical model for marriage. Culture is wrong, but in this case so is Vision’s Forum. My inner self rails against submitting because I was not created for that position. I was created to live in perfect union with other people and with God.

The idea that man’s headship predates the fall, in my opinion, devalues women in a way that is not biblical. God doesn’t devalue women. How do I know? Well, there is Miriam (Exodus 15:20), Deborah (Judges 4:4), Anna (Luke 2:36)… um, Philip’s, one of the seven, four daughters (Acts 21:9). Oh, and the woman at the well was the first person to whom Jesus revealed himself. Devaluing women produces men who boss their families. The Bible teaches that the husband leads a community of equals towards a common goal.

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, and there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28