Adoption Evangelism

I recently was tag surfing and came across a link to an article in the LA Times entitled Christian groups launch massive adoption campaign. During a three-day summit, Christian leaders from Focus on the Family, Campus Crusade, and Rick Warren (pastor of Saddleback Church and author of The Purpose Driven Life) pledged to devote church resources to helping needy children.

“We’ve got some people who only focus on moral purity and couldn’t care less about the poor, the sick, the uneducated. And they haven’t done zip for those people,” said Warren, a mega-church pastor in California and author of the best-selling “The Purpose-Driven Life.”

As I have journeyed further in my own Christian walk, I have become convinced that the modern church is wrong on a number of things. We argue endlessly about theology. We insist that what is most important is how a person thinks. Yet, the entire Old Testament is devoted to how someone in covenant with his or her Creator is supposed to act. I personally find it refreshing to see the church begin to become more involved in being the Body of Christ. But, I wonder, “Why is the emphasis on adopting needy children?”

Many of my readers know I am passionately pro-adoption. As a Christian and an adoptive mother, I am very concerned about the implications of stressing adoption as one of the things that Christians do. Adoption is not about evangelism or proving your spirituality. Adoption is about children.

I have been blessed by adoption. But, I would be naive if I didn’t understand that what has blessed me is a devastating loss on the part of my children. My children have all lost their first family, their culture, their heritage and their claim to a normal life. They are part of a transracial family. We stand out in a crowd. Even strangers will look at us and know that our kids entered our family through adoption. People that don’t know us will judge my children based upon their hidden assumptions about adoptees (and I would suspect about adopters too).

“When we hear about people working with cocaine babies in shelters, and are asked to support their efforts, it’s easy to write out a check. It’s nice to deal with the vision of an imaginary, cuddly baby. It’s not so easy to look at a child who’s screaming “NO!!” at the top of her lungs, has a dirty face, and is absolutely not adorable, cute, or cuddly and still want to help.” Kirsten L. Gordon, It Really Does Take a Village)

My children have all been hungry because of neglect or poverty. Beverly presented to the orphanage with Kwashiorkor. Early malnutrition has been shown to lower IQ. Marissa has fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. My children will face almost daily challenges of learning to cope with their life experiences. This will oftentimes be complicated by a myriad of medical and psychiatric diagnoses that make the process harder.

Beverly and David are still in Haiti. But, my experience parenting Marissa has demonstrated that the emotional work that she has to do is often expressed in behaviors that are viewed as unacceptable in our society. Dysregulated, neurologically-based activities are often identified as character defects — defiance, laziness, belligerence or willfulness. Some Christians believe in generational curses and make assumptions about Marissa based upon this presupposition. Some Christians equate all abnormal or “bad” behavior with sin. Most often, I am seen as the cause. I am not strict enough. I am too strict. If only I would spank her more, let her do the things that are age appropriate, send her to government school, get cable TV… etc., etc., etc. It really seems that many people have the expectation that if a child is placed in a “good” home and appropriately disciplined, behavior and emotional problems will magically disappear. In parenting Marissa, I have found little support and undersanding within the church.

I am also disturbed with the idea that Christian parents are going to “save the child.” When I decided to adopt, I had no intentions of saving a child. I wanted to be a mom. I am not a saint. I am not super-mom. I am just a woman who desired to have a child and found that I was inconceivable. I have heard adult adoptees complain about feeling that society expected that they should be grateful to their adoptive parents.

If the church is set on saving children, it should focus on the root cause of displaced children. The church shouldn’t focus on adopting children; it should focus on supporting parents. Adoption is really only a band-aid on the real problem of poverty and addiction. I believe God weeps every time a child is separated from his or her first mother and father.

Still, there are hundreds and thousands of children worldwide for which help has come to late. If you desire to adopt one (or more) of these children and provide them love and a home, you will be blessed. A child is a blessing no matter how he or she enters your home. But, adoption will cost you more than just the adoption fees. Are you prepared to bear the cost?

Hat Tip: Sandra