My Strongest Suit

“We women must realize how visual men are, and because of that we should wear modest clothes. Not because we don’t have the right to wear what we want, but for the benefit of the spiritual life of our brothers in Christ.”

~ Heather Arnel Paulsen, Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart

Before leaving on my mission trip to Haiti, I participated in several ”In ‘Other’ Words.” I actually enjoyed the weekly challenge. I felt kind of like I was participating in a virtual impromptu speech that challenged my thinking and writing skills. I was disappointed to learn that the weekly “In ‘Other’ Words” was changed to an every other week event for the summer. I couldn’t keep the schedule straight. Besides, we had tried to do year round school last year. We were still studying Roman history when the busyness of summer began to fill up our free time. So, I decided to take a break from “In ‘Other’ Words” and come back in the fall. Well, October is almost over and I am just getting back. Settling back into school was difficult this year. My blogging has suffered. But, equally important, I drew a blank on many of the quotes that were presented. Perhaps, I should have taken one more week off, because I don’t agree with this weeks quote. I don’t want to teach my daughter that modesty is a negative commandment whose main purpose is to prevent sexual sin.

My daughter likes musicals. Likes is actually an understatement. My daughter obsesses over musicals. Her iPod is filled with soundtracks from Broadway shows. She knows the names of the writers and directors, the year they opened, how long they ran, many of the major vocalists. In voice lessons, she prefers to work on songs from musicals. One of her favorite soundtracks is Aida and her favorite song on that soundtrack is “My Strongest Suit.”

In life one has to face a huge assortment
of nauseating fads and good advice
there’s health and fitness
Diet and deportment
And other pointless forms of sacrifice
Conversation? Wit? I am a doubter
Manners? Charm?
They’re no way to impress
so forget the inner me, observe the outer
I am what I wear and how I dress

Marissa is 15-years old. The topic of modesty comes up quite frequently in our home. While I do sometimes talk to her about what kind of boy she is trying to attract, the “main point” of our conversations never is my telling my daughter that she is responsible to dress in a way that will keep boys from sinning or to encourage boys to grow spiritually. Sexual sin has been part of every culture no matter what style of dress was considered appropriate for women. It is not my daughter’s dress that causes men and boys to lust; it is their own sinful and fallen heart. Besides, my daughter wants to be attractive to the opposite sex. If I were to tell my daughter, “Don’t dress like that because men are attracted to women who dress like that,” my words would likely backfire. My daughter would want to dress more sensually because she wants attention from the boys her age. This is a normal part of shaking off her youth. Instead, I encourage my daughter to dress in a way that is not overly revealing, extravagant or attention-getting for her own spiritual and emotional well-being.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God {sees} not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
~ 1 Samuel 16:7 (NAS)

I would love to place the emphasis on external looks squarely on the shoulders of our culture, but biblically that wouldn’t be true. All of us evaluate and judge people by what we see externally. I hope to teach my daughter that clothes, just like body language, tone of voice and posture communicate a message. Even if she thinks it isn’t fair, people will make assumptions about her based upon how she is dressed. More importantly, when Marissa tries to dress in a way that attracts attention to her outward appearance, she is drawing attention away from her inner self. Like the woman from Aida, she begins to focus on her clothing, her make-up and her hair while ignoring coversation, wit, manners and charm. Rather than studying the Bible, she studies the latest fashion magazine. Instead of being focused on what her Creator sees in her heart; she worries about whether the crowd is paying attention to the way she looks. Christians are supposed to be known for their love not for their wardrobe. Furthermore, dressing immodestly means that men pay attention to only a part of who she is. They concentrate on her body, perhaps comparing her to the unrealistic ideals portrayed by Hollywood and accepted as the “norm” by our culture. Focusing on her looks devalues her as a whole person.

The modesty I want to build in my daughter is a reflection of her heart attitude. Perhaps Webster said it best:

Modesty – That lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one’s own worth and importance. This temper when natural, springs in some measure from timidity, and in young and inexperienced persons, is allied to bashfulness and diffidence. In persons who have seen the world, and lost their natural timidity, modesty springs no less from principle than from feeling, and is manifested by retiring, unobtrusive manners, assuming less to itself than others are willing to yield, and conceding to others all due honor and respect, or even more than they expect or require. ~ Webster’s 1828 Dictionary

This weeks “In ‘Other’ Words” hosted by
Loni of Finding Joy in the Morning

Be sure to visit her site to read her thoughts and find links to other women’s interpretations of this quote ~

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