We Are Not Always Prisoners

Recently I wrote an entry whining really about the long and unexpected wait I have endured while waiting to bring home Beverly and David. In that entry I stated:

I worry about the affect that the extra time living in the orphanage will have on the kid’s life long ability to bond and attach.

Today, while listening on-line to NPR, I got some reassurance, Study, Adoption Not Harmful to a Child’s Self Esteem.

New research challenges the common perception that adoption negatively impacts a child’s self-esteem. A study by a Dutch researcher shows that adopted children tend to overcome developmental and emotional problems, and achieve a normal level of self-esteem.

Toward the end of the program, Steven Nickman of Harvard Medical School, pointed out a limitation of this study. The study doesn’t address the child who has had multiple placements. I haven’t been able to find the original study. I doubt that the study addressed children who became available for adoption because of familial mental illness or substance abuse either. But, it did give me some hope and peace. If I stick by my kids through their emotional work, there is a good chance that they will have a normal self-esteem.

For those affected by adoption, I do not believe that a 4 minute and 40 second review of a single research study which seems to conflict with conventional wisdom means that I do not still believe that every adoption is a special needs adoption. As an adoptive mom who has been blessed by adoption, my first response whenever anyone says anything negative about adoption is to become defensive. I can almost feel the hairs on my back stand up. But, I know in my head that adoption takes everyone involved on an emotional roller coaster and honestly recognizing and embracing the pain and struggle of those affected by adoption doesn’t make my relationship to my daughter “less.”