Praising and Thanking

For those of you who read my blog because I am well read and opinionated, I suspect that you will be unsubscribing. I haven’t read anything except my Bible and children stories since the kids came home. So, this post will be another what is going on in our life post!

First we are more than half way through the antibiotics prescribed to the kids for their parasites. I have learned more Creole, “Gou pa bon!” (Taste not good!) But the kids are being great about taking their medicine. And, Beverly was seen by a pediatric gastroenterologist who specializes in liver diseases in kids. Her liver function tests are improving. Not only is Beverly’s health improving but, more importantly in her 4-year-old eyes, her weekly blood tests were changed to every two weeks. So we are celebrating, Creole style. We feasted on Haitian Spaghetti and Hot Dogs, bread and butter and mangoes.

Beverly and David’s favorite meal!

Next, David and Beverly decided they needed a sandbox. They enlisted Ron’s help. They spent three days moving dirt, and constructing. They still aren’t done, but I have a big hole in my yard as proof of their work. I thank God for a hard working, handy husband. He really is my life’s greatest blessing!

I want to thank Sandi of Titus2Women for her complimenting me on Beverly’s hair:

I meant to tell you a while back how proud I am of you doing such a good job on Beverly’s hair!

Hair is an adoption issue. Like socialization and homeschooling, black hair care is one of the issue that consistently comes up when discussing whether or not white families should be allowed to adopt black children. It used to annoy me until I ran into two families. One white adoptive mother thought her black child’s thick curly hair was unruly and kept it in a short afro. This little girl’s haircut was identical to her brothers. I wondered if she was teased at school. She was only 6, so maybe not yet. But, I suspect as she grows older and kids get meaner, she will be teased. Besides, she was telling me this in front of her child. I tried steering the conversation in a different direction, but the woman didn’t take a hint. I tried telling the little girl I thought she was beautiful. Finally, I just walked away from the conversation wondering what I should have done to validate the little girl and shut the woman up.

Another time I went to a multicultural event and saw a black child with a white family. The girl had long hair that was pulled into a single ponytail. She was stunning, but when she turned around and I saw her hair I noticed that several sections of hair that had become locked. The locks weren’t there on purpose. They were irregular knots. I don’t suspect her hair had been combed out, well ever. But the truth is that these women are exceptions to the rule and point out that adoptive parents need post placement evaluation and support.

I am not new to caring for curly hair. Marissa’s hair, though her curls aren’t as tight and small as Beverly’s, is quite curly. I learned how to condition and detangle her hair. Beverly’s hair requires similar care. I also braided Marissa’s hair when she was young. So, I am not new to braiding either. But I still am sometimes self conscious about Beverly’s hair.

“What if I don’t do a good job? What if my baby is ashamed of her white mother’s creation?” ~ Black, White, and the Cornrow Inbetween by Sherri blogging at Beads, Braids, Truth.

I never want Beverly or David to believe that black people are only acceptable if they take steps to make themselves look more like me. I have worried that my children will not like the way I fix their hair. But, that is not the only thing I am worried about. I am worried about what other people think about how I fix her hair. When I am around black Americans I worry that Beverly’s hair looks good enough to validate that I can adequately parent her. When I am around white Americans, I sometimes feel the need to defend my child’s ethnic hairstyle. I am slowly remembering what I learned when I was doing Marissa’s hair.

• The promise of a hair style that can last two weeks is for teens and adults. Kids play. They roll around in the dirt, they put on tiaras, they add a headband or two or three, they change their clothes sometimes 4 times a day… each time raking their shirt collar over your beautifully done hairstyle. Their parts get fuzzy and they just need a redo.
• Expecting a child to sit for hours for a hairdo is just stupid.
• Twists are easier to put in and, more importantly, easier to take out than braids whose finished diameter is that of a piece of yarn; there is also less hair breakage.
• The shorter the hair, the more parts you have to make. Taking a shortcut at this step might mean redoing a hairstyle before the day is even over.
• Hair time, when planned, relaxed and not rushed is a wonderful, bonding time for you and your little girl. The time should be cherished. I was heartbroken when Marissa told me she didn’t want me to fix her hair like a little black girl anymore. (She wanted it cut like Halle Berry.)
• Always end your hair time with a trip to the mirror to show your daughter how stunning she is
• Other people probably don’t think near as much about your daughter’s hair as you assume that they do; it is none of their business anyway.

For those of you who did not know that African hair was a cultural and political issue, read this article about a preschool student that was threatened with expulsion because his ethnic hairstyle was deemed “faddish.” Or, watch this video:

Finally, just because I had a cute picture of Beverly, I wanted to add this. Too cute!