No. Nor are most of their members which is why things are the way they are. When I worked with foster parents, they felt the stigma attached to them by fellow church members and were always somewhat baffled how people–Christians–could have those kinds of views about foster children and foster parents when the bible commands us to help the widows and orphans. Sending a check to some distant ministry isn’t exactly what God has in mind, I think, but that is about as close to it as most people are willing to come.

When I talked to people about foster care, I met with interesting responses. “That just isn’t for us,” was an ok response. I don’t think most ministry work is “for us” but at least they recognized that it was an issue with them, not the kids or anyone else. My least favorite response was something that went along the lines of, “not until the state lets you discipline these kids.”

Which basically amounted to spanking, as if 1) there were absolutely no other way to teach a child and 2) as if spanking were the best way to deal with a child who has in all likelihood been beaten regularly his whole life.

Fears regarding the state overseeing your parenting and having to submit to home visits were major concerns and it sort of baffled me. Where does the bible say to help one another so long as it is convenient? And so long as the state doesn’t keep track?

The sad thing is that we received overwhelming response from “poor” churches. Many, many people would come forward to ask if this space would be enough, offering to take in kids on an emergency basis while a permanent home was found and letting us know what extra furniture they had. Walk into a “rich” church and no one wanted so much as a brochure.

That said, information and knowing what to do helps some. We took a child for respite with sexual behaviors that could not be left alone due to a long history of “molesting” other children. (I guess that was what it was…she was only six and doing the only thing she had been raised to do having been prostituted for drug money.) For her safety and the safety of other children, I had to explain some of these issues, how to deal with them and stress the importance of supervision. And they welcomed her.

I completely agree that his issue needs to be addressed, though. I think many churches ( my own included) do push for adoption as a sort of out-reach ministry, and then they are ill equipped to deal with the consequences.

Jesus himself reached out to the lepers and the untouchables though, and so we need to remind our church members that *everyone* deserves the chance to worship/learn about Him.

My husband has reminded me so many times that we believe in Christ, not Christians. We all sin and those within the church who do not understand Christ’s words about the least of these need someone to teach them and allow them to experience the blessings that come through the hardships we face on a daily basis.

I just got an email last week from the Sunday School superintendant at the church we’ve attended for the past few years. She told me that Ben, who wore an FASD awareness t-shirt to VBS a few weeks ago (the shirt had an upside-down wine glass and 049- Zero Alcohol For Nine Months on the front), told his class what the shirt meant and that he had FASD. She thanked me for allowing their teachers to serve and to know Ben and Anna, and she has allowed me to train staff on FASD. What an answer to prayer. ~Kari

I’m giving the pastor a couple weeks to give volunteers some guidelines (like, we don’t hit other people’s kids is a good start?) and then we’ll see how it goes. I’m tired of church-hopping. This is my last stop before I say that I’m SO DONE with the whole thing.

I know it’s hard for everyone when I bring my children in. But somehow staying home and never going anywhere doesn’t seem fair, either.

I completely agree with your thoughts on this subject. It makes complete sense to me that if the Church is going to encourage adoption as a ministry, then they should also support the people who are putting themselves “out there” 24/7 for the rest of their lives.

I just wanted to clarify that the event at Youth Group would not have been problematic for most kids. Marissa is manic right now, extremely so. She really, truly needs 1:1 direct supervision during all waking hours. I did not mean to suggest that our youth leaders had set up an unsafe environment for all kids ~ just for Marissa.

That being said, I know what you mean. When I lived in Washington, I used to teach SS and was active in VBS. We had classrooms. I kept the kids in the classroom until a parent/responsible adult came and picked them up. I saw the child leave with this person. Once, I moved to Minnesota, I decided to stay uninvolved after helping with my first VBS. Our church here is a large auditorium. There are no real classrooms, dividers separate space for activities. When an activity is over everyone just scatters. I would not see a child and had no idea whether they were with there parents or not. I never had the opportunity to talk to parents about how their child did during the class or to tell them what they learned. In fact, on many days, the child’s craft was left in our “space” to become the next morning’s trash.