This was the sentence that shouted out to me. I’m doing lots of thinking about the endemic use of behavior modification.

Thanks for the post, and I’m writing this after already glancing at the next post – where I hope to drop a couple of lines.

Since I am a guilty perp for noting normal teen behavior, you get a credit on your account with me. [chuckle]

…one example would just invite people to write, “All teenagers do that…”

I think that is the most difficult part of trying to discuss these kinds of issues with parents of normal children. Because most of the behaviors you see in children with mental or behavior disorders are the same kinds of things you see in any other kid. They are just to a different degree that you cannot understand unless you have been through it.

And thus it is easy for those on the outside (especially if they already have a worldview that says you just have to do A to achieve B with a child and medication/therapy is always wrong) to condemn the parent rather than offer the much needed support.

When my son is having a tough time, he looks like any other boy who is never disciplined…hyper, defiant, literally bouncing off the walls. Then at other times he is a perfect angel, leading people to say, “See, he can be good. You just have to expect it of him all the time.”

But I do. That isn’t the issue. There are other things going on. Now that his compulsions have drifted from the perfect lining up of his toys and continual counting (the interruption of which was the stimulus for more than a few meltdowns in the care of others) and toward licking his hands and even other people, those around him are starting to recognize that there is something else going on. He isn’t “just” a “bad” kid.

Sorry to go on about my boy. But I do tire of the criticism from people who don’t seem to know what they are talking about.

I think it’s good thinking to re-plan your attack strategy. If she’s just not “getting” the long term consequences, what good are they doing? It will just alienate you more when your sphere of influence should be expanding as she joins more adult activities. Youth group is usually a safe middle ground between home and world.

I’m sure you don’t want advice from me, I’m still idealistic about the teen FASD years, because I’m barely hanging on to the preschool years. But you do have an ear in me. I’ll send the bill in the mail.

I’m currently in the midst of attempting to deal with my 13-year-old OCD child, who is actively rebelling and refusing to do her work and my 9-year-old Aspie daughter who is also refusing to do her work but I don’t see it so much as a rebellion thing. It’s hard to find consequences that work for them both (that I can live with and remember). And it makes me very tired. There are a lot of nights that I just cry myself to sleep and wish I wouldn’t wake up to more of the same. But I will and I have to deal with it.

Sorry, I guess I’m venting in your comments section…thanks!