My Life

Well, I have a dumb reason to have been off line. I woke up Sunday, feeling great until I reached overhead into my cupboard to get a coffee cup. “OUCH! That hurts my shoulder.” I figured I slept wrong and my shoulder would feel better as soon as I “worked it out.” By noon, when we were leaving church, I was holding my arm tightly against my body. My shoulder hurt badly. By that night, I didn’t have full range of motion. Monday morning, my shoulder was worse. I went to see my physician. For absolutely no reason, I had tendinitis in my right shoulder, yes my dominant arm. I hadn’t shoveled. I hadn’t done anything. I have been icing, taking mega-Motrin and have seen physical therapy. I am doing better! I can move my shoulder to reach for the keyboard without bringing tears to my eyes. But, my stomach hurts. Also, I am so anxious I feel like I drank 3 pots of coffee. I have never reacted like that to Motrin before. So, it may take longer to heal but my “anti-inflammatory” of choice is ice!

So, what have I been doing?

First, I have unsuccessfully made three batches of kefir. I had been purchasing it, but it is quite expensive. I have thrown out 6 cups of milk. Kefir is supposed to be creamy and taste like plain yogurt or buttermilk. Mine is thin and looks a lot like watery ricotta cheese. And, it is way sour. So, I am continuing to “experiment” until I get it right.

Second, Marissa and I are studying governments. Right now we are studying the thoughts put forward by Thomas Hobbes in The Leviathan. Apparently, Hobbes thought the best government was one in which citizens gave up all their freedoms in exchange for peace. The government was responsible to create peace by any means, ethical or not. For their part, the people gave their unquestioned, undivided loyalty to those in political power. Education (or socializing), dictating thoughts and opinions, was indeed a part of creating this “loyalty.”

“For the actions of men proceed from their opinions, and in the well governing of opinions consisteth the well governing of men’s actions… it belonged therefore to him that hath the sovereign power to be judge, or constitute all judges of opinions and doctrines, as a thing necessary to peace; thereby to prevent discord and civil war.” ~ Thomas Hobbes

Like Plato’s Republic, I find Hobbes’ Commonwealth less than appealing.  

Then, I was playing with PaintShop! I don’t find this program intuitive. I did get some awesome tutorials with it, but I haven’t done much that wasn’t included on a tutorial. Well, Ree from Confessions of a Pioneer Woman recently posted a tip for PhotoShop users and I figured out how to do the same thing using PaintShop for one of the photos I have of Marissa.

My original:

“Vintage-y” Layer:

Decrease opacity to 70%. So, now I have a “vintage-y” photo that has a bit of color shining through. How fun is that? If you haven’t been to Ree’s blog, you are missing out. She is an awesome photographer and has the best contests on the web!

Oh, and best of all, I replaced my older version Senseo with a new one! Mmmm… Are you tired of seeing pictures of Marissa yet?

My Favorite Teacher

Photos downloaded from Photos of Katie McCarron. If you want to use these photos on your own blog, please link to this site to view terms of use.

On January 17, Karen McCarron was found guilty of suffocating her 3-year old daughter. Her daughter had autism. In her taped confession, Karen says:

Maybe I could fix her this way, and in heaven she would be complete.

Since I began blogging, more specifically reading other people’s blogs, I have been drawn to the thoughts of some people who advocate for individuals with autism. Although part of the allure, my attraction is not primarily because there are some similarities between the behaviors of people with autism and the behavior of my daughter who has been diagnosed with partial Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (pFAS). Mostly, I like to read their blogs because they challenge me to see my daughter through a different lens. These advocates encourage people to accept neurodiversity rather than trying to heal or “fix” it.

Recently, my friend Kari wrote a blog entry entitled The End of the Beginning in which she quoted Dan Dubovsky as saying, “We’re not at the end yet, but we’re at the end of the beginning.” The context of the quote was the fact that as more and more people learn about Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) it becomes less invisible. It has been 35-years since researchers at the University of Washington first described a pattern of abnormalities they observed in children of women who had consumed alcohol during their pregnancy. Alot of energy and resources have been devoted to educating the public about the inherent dangers of drinking alcohol during pregnancy.

What does it mean to be at the end of the beginning? I hope it means that at least some of the specialists in the FASD community see the wisdom of accepting the neurodiversity of our children; I would like to see energy and resources devoted to advocating for acceptance. When I first began parenting Marissa, I probably wasn’t unlike Karen McCarron. I spent quite a bit of time, and emotional and intellectual energy trying to “fix” Marissa. Why I even wrote a Nursing Management Plan designed to improve her functional status behavior. I will plead good intentions, but accepting Marissa was a necessary step in protecting Marissa from the dangers of my good intentions. I set the bar too high. I wanted her to be just like you and just like me.

It may seem odd to question the wisdom of “socialization.” I mean what would be finer than to have my child with atypical neurological development act as if she were “normal?” Wouldn’t it mean that she might successfully achieve independence? Find love? Stay out of jail? Marissa was exasperated when she couldn’t reach the goals I set. I was too. In the face of unrealistic expectations, her behavior and her anxiety got much worse.

Katie McCarron didn’t have to die. Katie’s mother wasn’t overwhelmed by the lack of services for children with neurodiversities. She died because her mother couldn’t see that Katie carried within her a spark of the Divine. She was an image-bearer of God. And, if she had allowed it, Karen McCarron might have learned that Katie was a master teacher. Other family members understood that Katie was a beautiful child who enjoyed life. Why couldn’t her mother?

From an open letter to Dr. Jerry Kartzinel:

“The themes indicated that raising a child with a disability can be a life-changing experience that spurs families to examine their belief systems. Parents can come to gain a sense of coherence and control through changes in their worldviews, values and priorities that involve different ways of thinking about their child, their parenting role, and the role of the family. Although parents may grapple with lost dreams, over time positive adaptations can occur in the form of changed worldviews concerning life and disability, and an appreciation of the positive contributions made by children to family members and society as a whole. Parents’ experiences indicate the importance of hope and of seeing possibilities that lie ahead.” ~ King et al (2006)

Marissa has been my best teacher!

Hap Tip: Autism Diva, Jerry Kartzinel and lying about the nature of autism

Becoming Uncomfortable With the Status Quo

In 1985 I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in nursing and was commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the US Army. I left college with a student loan of around $7,500. Part of this is because I was given a ROTC scholarship that paid for 2-1/2 years of my education. Tuition was much cheaper than it is now too. Mostly, I graduated with hardly any debt because my parents had enough accumulated wealth that they were able to financially support me while I was in school. Shortly after I graduated, my Dad retired from the Air Force. My parents settled in Phoenix and used his VA Loan to purchase a brand new home. When they sold that house in 2005, they made enough money on the sale to purchase the home my Mom lives in with cash. When my Dad died on September 1, 2006, I had many concerns about my mom’s emotional well-being, but I didn’t have to worry about her finances.

Today Marissa and I attended the final episode of Race – The Power of an Illusion: The Houses We Live In. It was by far the most impacting episode in the three part series. Neither of my parents was born with a silver spoon in their mouth. They worked hard. But I would be naive to think that the privileges I have enjoyed were not at least in part unearned. My parents did nothing to deserve making a 300% profit on a home they owned for less than 20 years. Yet, it is this unearned wealth that allows my mom to comfortably care for herself now.  I think it is a common misconception that the privileges we enjoy in America are because our parents struggled and worked hard to give their children a better life. It is only part of the story. My Dad and Mom did work hard. They did sacrifice for their children. They were also “lucky” in real estate. This pattern of wealth accumulation is acted out again and again in white America. My parents benefited from institutionalized policies that allowed them to accumulate wealth at the expense of others and through them I have too. There is power in the status quo.

Race in itself means nothing–the markers of race, skin color, hair texture, the things that we identify as the racial markers, mean nothing unless they are given social meaning and unless there’s public policy and private actions that act upon those kinds of characteristics. That creates race.

~ Melvin Oliver, Sociologist

I have written before about how inadequate my public high school “honors” American History class was. This afternoon, I was just dumbfounded over how incredibly biased it was too. I think I will begin with the Great American Melting Pot.

Melting Pot (Retrieved November 29, 2007 from he American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition.): A place where immigrants of different cultures or races form an integrated society: “Canadians . . . liked to think of their country as a mosaic rather than a melting pot” (Kenneth McNaught).

Given this definition, the Great American Melting Pot is partially a myth.

“America is God’s Crucible, the great Melting Pot where all the races of Europe are melting and reforming! Here you stand…at Ellis Island…in your 50 groups, with your 50 languages and histories, and your 50 blood hatreds and rivalries. But you won’t long be like that, for these are the fires of God you come to! Germans and Frenchmen, Irishmen and English, Jews and Russians, into the crucible with you all! God is making the American.”

~ Israel Zangwill, 1908

The Melting Pot was never meant to include people of all races and cultures. America already had a culture and national character. It was a heritage that was based upon northern European culture, ethics and religion. In 1790 Congress passed an act declaring that only free white immigrants could be naturalized citizens. After the Civil War, the right to citizenship was extended to people of the African diaspora too.  The requirement that a person be either white or black in order to become a US citizen wasn’t removed until 1952.

As a home educator I was struck by the fact that the term melting pot is really a synonym for socialization. I have said before, socialization is not about hanging out with your peers! I will never convince the general public my daughter is well socialized by posting photos of her interacting with other children or writing stories of her numerous Youth Group and Home School Co-op activities. Socialization is about creating a uniform society. Families educating their children and passing on their values and worldview rather than assimilating into the larger American identity is seen as a threat. My child may grow up and desire radical social and cultural change. But, I digress. The real point I suppose is that white people immigrating to the United States were expected to abandon their language and culture. Our ancestors traded them for white privilege.

The Federal Government was instrumental in creating and maintaining residential racial segregation. The Federal Housing Administration (FHA), which provided low rate, long-term mortgages, would not underwrite loans for houses in black neighborhoods. Since minorities in a neighborhood were thought to decrease the property value, many developers refused to sell homes to non-white families. Additionally, the FHA acted to protect white neighborhoods by making it impossible for minority families to buy property there. Non-white families were not approved for loans.

Because it did not include farm workers or domestic workers, the Social Security Act of 1935 excluded many non-white workers. Social Security Income (SSI), a welfare program, is now available for disabled people and elderly people over 65 regardless of a person’s work history. This too is a recent public policy change. Prior to SSI, many non-white families had to support their elderly parents.

America is founded on the principles of individuality and self-government. The understanding that “men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights” is an ideal founded upon biblical truth. Yet, there are many examples from American history of serious inconsistencies in implementing these principles. As home educators we are responsible to teach the reality of American history without excuse. 

As I was leaving, I was asked by two members of our community’s Diversity Awareness group if I would like to join their group. I might have been flattered except one of the people asking me pointed out that all the members are white and they wanted to have representation from minority groups. Uh… I am white; my kids are not. I really don’t think that parenting non-white children automatically means that I can adequately represent minority groups.

For more information: 

Takao Ozawa and Bhagat Singh Thind were declared aliens ineligible for citizenship because they were not white. What does it mean to be a resident alien instead of a US Citizen?

The Tale of Two Families: How does family wealth make a difference?

The Culture of Language

We tend to think of language and speech as being synonymous. While I would agree that these two words are closely related, there is a subtle and important difference in the meanings of the two words. Speech is merely a formal utterance; language defines the rules for speech: rules that are distinct to a people living in a similar geographical area and sharing the same cultures and traditions.

In my entry yesterday I reviewed the book Desires of the Everlasting Hills: The World Before and After Jesus by Thomas Cahill. Because Mr. Cahill and I see the world through a different lens, I would not recommend the book. However, there was one section of the book in which I found myself agreeing with the author.

Before his death in 323 BC, Alexander the Great led the Greeks in conquering most of the known world. Newly conquered settlements acquired a Greek culture. Playing a central role in the Hellenization of the Ancient World was the spread of the Greek language.

Languages bring values with them, and one cannot learn a language without making one’s own the things the civilization that developed the language considers important. Thomas Cahill

Language and culture are intimately tied. One of the ways we catch our worldview, or are socialized, is through how a culture defines the words we use to convey our thoughts and ideas. One of the most basic “rules” of language is a word’s conceptual definition.

When I started home educating, I was introduced to Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary and I learned that Americans no longer speak the same language as our founding fathers. Oh, the words are still uttered the same way, but the agreed upon meaning of the words, the definitions, have changed. For example consider these phrases included in Webster’s dictionary:

Marriage: “… instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children.

Morality: “… from a motive of obedience to the divine will.”

Education: “…To give children a good education in manners, arts and science, is important; to give them a religious education is indispensable;”

Nature: “…produced by God, the Creator, the Author of whatever is made or produced.”

The Ancient World was conquered militarily. The citizens had little choice but to bow to the will of their new leaders. But that is not the case in America. What would lead a whole culture to give up its language and customs? Perhaps the answer is as simple as, “We forgot God.” Instead of attributing our blessings to God, we have desired to credit ourselves, our republic, our economic system… our own, human effort. We were not blessed because of any of those things. America was blessed because at one time she bowed her will to the Creator.

“When you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you. Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments and His ordinances and His statutes which I am commanding you today.” Deuteronomy 8:10, 11 (NAS)

City on a Hill

“Little town up ahead – ‘bout a mile,” he offered. “We’re in need of some more supplies.”Arianna’s eye’s widened, “Have you been … way up here… before?” she asked incredulously?

“No,” he answered with a shake of his head.

“Then how…?” she began but didn’t finish.

He smiled then, a lazy, easy smile. He nodded his head toward the north. “It’s stickin’ out – plain as day – on that hillside.”

(Janette Oke, A Gown of Spanish Lace)

I know that the public declaration for home schooling moms is supposed to be, “Twaddle me not!” But there are times in life when a little brain candy is appropriate. Recently, I had a whole day to waste. Yes, waste! My van needed new brakes, shocks and struts. My husband was traveling. I dropped the van off at the dealer and wandered around my town for the day while the repairs were being made.

I had a plan. I had brought a list of books that I wanted to read. I made my way to the library first. A quick check of the library’s computer showed me that the library only owned one of the books I had hoped to read and it was checked out. I made my way to the used bookstore and, again, I scored zero. So, I bought a Janette Oke book instead. I was still in high school when my Mom bought a copy of Love Comes Softly. I have fond memories of reading the entire series.

When I became hungry, I made my way to the air-conditioned mall to eat lunch. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the comfort of the cool air, but I hate shopping. I spent the next couple of hours sitting on a padded bench reading. I am so glad Marissa wasn’t with me. I would have embarrassed her to death!

Over the past couple of weeks I have thought about a city on a hill many times. Even when I was first reading it, this blurb brought to mind the following verses from Matthew:

“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. ‘You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.’ ” (Chapter 5, verses 13-15, NAS)

When I first started blogging and communicating with other people on-line about home schooling, the most common argument I heard by Christians against home schooling was that if all Christians home educated their children, the government schools would be stripped of the Christian influence. There would be no salt and light. First, I cannot tell you how irrational this sounds to me. I don’t foresee a time when every Christian pulls their child(ren) out of the government school system. The argument is not based on logic; it is based on raw emotion.

Whenever we are passionate about anything, when someone disagrees with our viewpoint or decision, it feels like a personal attack. For the most part, we are all passionate about our parenting choices. I remember being in a discussion where people on both sides of the home schooling fence presented their ideas as if they were direct revelation from God: the one right way. Many home schooling parents have a conviction that home schooling is the only way to fulfill the commandment in Deuteronomy 6:7 to teach their children diligently. I read comments by parents whose children attended government schools that implied that parents who home school are disobeying God’s command to be salt and light. I even read one comment that said that home schooling proved that the home schooling parent lacked faith in God and parented out of fear. As I considered the quote from Janette Oke’s book, I began to create a mind picture of a city set on a hill.

What does the city look like? It is separate and unique from the surrounding environment. A candle or a light in a dark room is the same. My mental journey took me further. Why do people place cities on hills? This strategic location protects the city by allowing the inhabitants to see what is approaching. I also pondered the fact that a city on a hill attracts travelers. It is inviting. It is a place your physical needs can be met. I am not sure that this is true of the Church today.

The Old Testament tells the story of a nation that had a separate religion and culture from the surrounding nations. They were a divine, special and holy nation. The Bible over and over has physical pictures meant to portray the spiritual truth against mixing. There is a Biblical prohibition against interbreeding animals, mixing seeds and wearing garments that contain wool and linen (Leviticus 19:19). More familiar, there is a command against being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Has God changed? Instead of boundaries does he now require assimilation? Does not the same Bible that encourages me to be salt and light also teach that Jesus came to divide (Matthew 10:34)?

I do not think I have proven (nor was it my intention) that any Christian who sends his or her child to government school is being disobedient to God. But, I have become convinced that the salt and light argument is an invalid foundation for me to decide to send my children to a government school.

I have not finished my thinking through these three verses in Matthew. My mind keeps wandering back over and over to contemplate salt, hillside cities and light. I will perhaps write more when I have thoughts that I can put in some logical sequence that my readers can understand.